The Secret Diary of .. Mike King

Monday
I sat in at a team meeting to discuss our suicide prevention fundraising event this Friday night in Dunedin and was told we were struggling to gain an alcohol licence from the council.
“Tell them Mike King is behind it,” I said. “My name opens doors. Do you see that door? It was closed until I came along and said to Christopher Luxon, ‘Open it. I want funding to provide mental health solutions.’ And he said, ‘How much will that cost.’ And I said, ‘I reckon $24m sounds about right.’ And here we all are, thanks to Mike King.”
They went to make some calls. 
Tuesday
I sat in at a team meeting to discuss our continuing problems to gain an alcohol licence for our suicide prevention fundraiser.
They said my name seemed to be making the doors close rather than open. 
“Tell them I will go on the warpath,” I said. “Tell them Mike King does not appreciate being told ‘no’. Tell them Mike King might just have a chat about this to Heather du Plessis-Allan on Newstalk ZB. Tell them Mike King will tell it like it is.”
They went to make some calls.
Wednesday
I told it like it is to Heather.
Thursday
I sat in at a team meeting to discuss the fall-out from my comments on Newstalk ZB.
“It’s just politics,” I said. “No one can disprove my comments that alcohol is the solution for people with mental health problems. Mike King has a right to his opinion. All the studies at Otago University are just a difference of opinion although it’s pretty obvious they don’t know what they’re talking about. Mike King knows what he’s talking about.”
They made some calls but no one answered.
Friday
Christopher Luxon called.
“Yeah mate,” I said.
“Could you maybe back down a little about those comments you made,” he said.
“Mike King doesn’t back down mate,” I said.
“It’s just that it isn’t playing very well in the media, on top of critcism that our $24m funding was decided without an open and transparent process,” he said.
“Whatever mate,” I said.
“You know,” he said, “when you pointed at that door and said ‘Open it’, you maybe really should have told me what was behind it.”
“You knew what was behind it mate.”
“To be fair, you didn’t exactly go into any detail.”
“You knew Mike King was behind it.”
He sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” he said.
“You sound a bit depressed,” I said. “Have a drink. It’ll take the edge off.”